The discussion of child hunger on the site tonight has me agitated - our corrupt government, care-nothing conservatives, do-nothing liberals - they all really piss me off. A couple of days ago, I described how I feel when I get angry, that I honestly don't like me when the dark side shows. There is an additional factor, though - I'm always on guard about whether a period of agitation represents a VERY feared manic episode coming back. That has to be the greatest fear of someone who is bipolar, even though it only takes ONE manic episode in your life to give you the diagnosis. Now, one hasn't happened since December of 1999, but it's just something that sticks with me.
Now, what are we going to DO about these children?
Jesus, as I get ready to finish this, La Elu is pointing out what the TV droning in the other room is talking about, some nouveau riche assholes spending $200,000 to redo their kitchen. Where are our priorities?
Mizpah.
R
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
The dark side of an elu
Dear Friends -
I cultivate an image as an easy-going, nice fellow. I hope that's the truth. In my effort to embrace candor, I must tell you that it isn't always so.
I wrote earlier in the week about getting ready for a Valentine's Day hearing where an ultra-abusive fellow is suing to get custody of a child. In court, I try to tell the truth, and to admit the weaknesses in my cases. Sometimes, rarely, I'm put in a position where I feel anger or maybe self-righteousness, and on those rare occasions, I might remind you of Darth Vader, "letting my anger flow." Well, that's what I did today. I spent all afternoon being an aggressive, acid and all-round nasty cross-examiner to this fellow. I tell myself that under these circumstances, it's OK, because it's a part of zealous representation. But it is damned self-righteous of me. That's something I usually disapprove of in other people.
As I sit here tonight, I have two overriding thoughts. One, the cross-examination was pretty darn effective. Two, I really don't like myself after I let the anger flow like that. Facing your dark side is rough duty.
Mizpah.
R
I cultivate an image as an easy-going, nice fellow. I hope that's the truth. In my effort to embrace candor, I must tell you that it isn't always so.
I wrote earlier in the week about getting ready for a Valentine's Day hearing where an ultra-abusive fellow is suing to get custody of a child. In court, I try to tell the truth, and to admit the weaknesses in my cases. Sometimes, rarely, I'm put in a position where I feel anger or maybe self-righteousness, and on those rare occasions, I might remind you of Darth Vader, "letting my anger flow." Well, that's what I did today. I spent all afternoon being an aggressive, acid and all-round nasty cross-examiner to this fellow. I tell myself that under these circumstances, it's OK, because it's a part of zealous representation. But it is damned self-righteous of me. That's something I usually disapprove of in other people.
As I sit here tonight, I have two overriding thoughts. One, the cross-examination was pretty darn effective. Two, I really don't like myself after I let the anger flow like that. Facing your dark side is rough duty.
Mizpah.
R
Wednesday, February 7, 2007
Scenes from my week
For those who may care - Eleanor Roosevelt published a newspaper column, "My Day," for years. In that light, part of my week:
(Darn, I hope you don't find this a great bloody bore.)
Oh, anything about cases is available in the public record. In the course of the week, I dealt with lots of stuff covered by privilege.
Wednesday - It snowed a lot the night before, and all of the roads were covered. That's more of an inconvenience than anything, because many other drivers don't do well in the snow, and you have to watch them. I drive a little German sedan that does well on the snow. Anyway, I drove over snow-covered roads to a town in an adjoining county for a sentencing. My client was convicted (by plea) of child neglect with injury. That was reduced from a six count indictment of child abuse with injury, so going into the sentencing, we had held down the potential damage a bunch. Basically, this was a mother who failed to protect a teenage daughter who was weirdly molested by her husband (the child's step-father), who the judge referred to repeatedly as "The Monster," and who was sentenced last week to 25 to 40 years in the penitentiary. My client's exposure was 1 - 3 years. Our case was called early on a very crowded court day, and it took a long time to go through, to the annoyance of lots and lots of other lawyers. I offered to go dead last on the docket, because I knew it would be time consuming, but the judge had other ideas. It being his court, there was nothing I could do about that. The decisions of judges, even on minor matters such as scheduling, rule my life. I had a therapist testify and, of course, had my client testify. I am satisfied that my presentation was good. No, I need to cut that self-effacing shit out - it was really good. This is a circuit after my own heart, a place where we don't do bullshit macho posturing, where we can go into court and don't get points off for telling the truth, for candor. I discussed my client's remorse, which was genuine, and the anger of the family and community, mainly at "The Monster." In a frontier time, the anger of the community would have been more directly expressed. At the end of the sentencing, the judge gave my client home confinement and 90 days of weekends in jail, which was a very favorable outcome. My client had 10 or 12 family there, and her pastor. We gathered in the conference room to let everyone settle down, and at my suggestion the pastor conducted a little prayer circle, which was a very nice thing to do. (See elsewhere, I am convinced that it is wise to invoke the blessing of Deity when undertaking something important and when concluding something important. Which Deity doesn't matter, that's for individual faith.) I was going to stay in the conference room in the courthouse annex until an afternoon hearing in Family Court in the same county in a "pro bono" case, i.e., one that I'll never get paid for, and that's OK. Fortunately, I turned my phone back on, and called into the office to see what was shaking, and a staff member told me that the Family Court Judge cancelled court due to the weather. That sucks, and a hundred people had shown up to the same courthouse for morning hearings, but it's her Court and there's nothing I could do about it. I returned to the office, had lunch back in the den, and brooded a bit, as I'm sometimes prone to do - but then my partner and my paralegal, both of whom know how to motivate me, came in and told me to get my ass upstairs and deal with some fires, which I did. One of those was a call from a circuit judge for me to come to Court on Thursday and represent a person who was to be arrested Wednesday night on a bench warrant for a sealed drug indictment.
Thursday - The first day this week there has been school in the county. Honestly, the weather was just not that darn bad this week. Most of the morning was spent at arraignments of state drug cases. In fact, the whole day was mostly "drug day." The grand jury just met, returned many sealed indictments, and the police did an all-hands round-up starting at 6 AM. The case assigned to me is a 53 year old fellow, has a job in a machine shop, lives from paycheck to paycheck, and is accused of selling 1/4 oz. of marijuana three times. The drug task force seized his truck as an instrument of the crimes, and without it he can't work, so he's screwed in some ways even before any evidence has been introduced against him. I came back to the office, and dealt with a confidential problem about a young person whose name has come up in a drug investigation. My partner and I held a round-table with the family and a therapist buddy who came in between her appointments to advise us. Winning cases in trial is good lawyering. Heading off trouble before it breaks is really good lawyering. At least, that's the way I see it. The afternoon featured yet another drug case, another confidential case where we're heading off big trouble. That one's still black, so I can say no more. I made a ton of phone calls, and processed many emails with other lawyers in various cases. I met with a personal injury client who dropped in unannounced (which is OK) because the workers' compensation insurance carrier is corruptly screwing her. I've scheduled researching that problem for Sunday. Oh, and I wrote a simple real estate contract.
Friday - The morning was filled with "docket call," a sort of ceremony at the beginning of every "term of court" (a term lasts 4 months) where each judge goes over the cases pending in that Division, and determines what the lawyers want to do with the cases during the term. It's also a business/social occasion, where the lawyers see each other and often make remarkable progress on resolving cases. I have very little on the current civil dockets, and a few cases on the criminal dockets. Like I say, a case RESOLVED is my goal, even though you just have to take one to jury trial every now and then so that the other side remembers that you know how. Late morning, I talked for a while with a "pro bono" domestic client, whose case is much more complicated than I thought, so she is coming back late Sunday afternoon. At noon, I drove 15 miles out of town to a small town for which I'm the town attorney. I met with the mayor (who has Fridays off), recorder, and a couple of council members to discuss dilapidated buildings. Our problem is that we have about four absentee landowners who have left old commercial buildings go untended, and we cannot front the money to raze them, so getting a deed from the owners in favor of the town won't do any good. We're going to try suing the landowners next week, and sending the judgments to Florida and elsewhere for collection. One suggestion was that we contact the owners, get a deed, and burn the buildings down. That's a BAD idea - we would have to get an air pollution waiver, there is always inherent danger in doing that, and burning a building to the point that it's easy to clean up the site is a poor training opportunity for the Fire Department. My partner went with me to a doctor's appointment in the afternoon, and into the evening, I worked on records to take to the accountant in the morning.
Saturday - Out to the accountants at 9 with the firm records for 2006. I have to get taxes filed to do a college scholarship application for our son. I went in to the office, and did the proposed order that's due on Monday (and which the fairly intelligent client is coming in on Sunday to review.) I tried to get caught up on my billing, and my partner is (justifiably) on my ass about that. I went home about 5 PM, and spent the evening READING. I've noted elsewhere that my tastes in reading are pretty broad, and I read parts of several books and listened to music on the computer.
And Sunday, I'm in the office. I've finished that proposed court order which is due tomorrow, and met with that client later this afternoon. Then at the end of the afternoon, my pro bono client for a Wednesday custody hearing came in the office. (Hearings in Family Court on Valentine's Day are deliciously ironic, don't you think?) This is a young woman, and I regretably have a policy that I won't talk with women alone in the office, when no one else is in the building. Maybe it's unfortunate that I feel that way, maybe I'm old-fashioned, I don't know, but it makes me uncomfortable and may make them uncomfortable, so I require that another person be present. This is a large case. This woman's ex-boyfriend is a very nasty individual, who is claiming custody of her child who is not biologically his because he lived with her and the child for some time. In my judgment, this is a control issue, and my client is afraid of the guy - with good reason, I think. Every time I've met with her, she has told me new macabre and dreaded things. Something psychological is going on, or else she was exposed to such truly unspeakable abuse that she doesn't ever have time to discuss it all in one sitting. I invited the director of the local abused women's shelter to come for the appointment, too, to give us/me an informed viewpoint, and maybe keep me from missing something important. Honestly, the fact that this is pro bono is a non-starter - it's a case, and while I try not to take myself seriously, I do take cases seriously. Then I'm doing preparation for several other cases for the coming week. I came in here about 9 this morning, and I should get out of here by 7 tonight.
This was a typical week, with the exception of having to work a full day on Saturday. Welcome to my life. Pippa passes.
Mizpah!
R
(Darn, I hope you don't find this a great bloody bore.)
Oh, anything about cases is available in the public record. In the course of the week, I dealt with lots of stuff covered by privilege.
Wednesday - It snowed a lot the night before, and all of the roads were covered. That's more of an inconvenience than anything, because many other drivers don't do well in the snow, and you have to watch them. I drive a little German sedan that does well on the snow. Anyway, I drove over snow-covered roads to a town in an adjoining county for a sentencing. My client was convicted (by plea) of child neglect with injury. That was reduced from a six count indictment of child abuse with injury, so going into the sentencing, we had held down the potential damage a bunch. Basically, this was a mother who failed to protect a teenage daughter who was weirdly molested by her husband (the child's step-father), who the judge referred to repeatedly as "The Monster," and who was sentenced last week to 25 to 40 years in the penitentiary. My client's exposure was 1 - 3 years. Our case was called early on a very crowded court day, and it took a long time to go through, to the annoyance of lots and lots of other lawyers. I offered to go dead last on the docket, because I knew it would be time consuming, but the judge had other ideas. It being his court, there was nothing I could do about that. The decisions of judges, even on minor matters such as scheduling, rule my life. I had a therapist testify and, of course, had my client testify. I am satisfied that my presentation was good. No, I need to cut that self-effacing shit out - it was really good. This is a circuit after my own heart, a place where we don't do bullshit macho posturing, where we can go into court and don't get points off for telling the truth, for candor. I discussed my client's remorse, which was genuine, and the anger of the family and community, mainly at "The Monster." In a frontier time, the anger of the community would have been more directly expressed. At the end of the sentencing, the judge gave my client home confinement and 90 days of weekends in jail, which was a very favorable outcome. My client had 10 or 12 family there, and her pastor. We gathered in the conference room to let everyone settle down, and at my suggestion the pastor conducted a little prayer circle, which was a very nice thing to do. (See elsewhere, I am convinced that it is wise to invoke the blessing of Deity when undertaking something important and when concluding something important. Which Deity doesn't matter, that's for individual faith.) I was going to stay in the conference room in the courthouse annex until an afternoon hearing in Family Court in the same county in a "pro bono" case, i.e., one that I'll never get paid for, and that's OK. Fortunately, I turned my phone back on, and called into the office to see what was shaking, and a staff member told me that the Family Court Judge cancelled court due to the weather. That sucks, and a hundred people had shown up to the same courthouse for morning hearings, but it's her Court and there's nothing I could do about it. I returned to the office, had lunch back in the den, and brooded a bit, as I'm sometimes prone to do - but then my partner and my paralegal, both of whom know how to motivate me, came in and told me to get my ass upstairs and deal with some fires, which I did. One of those was a call from a circuit judge for me to come to Court on Thursday and represent a person who was to be arrested Wednesday night on a bench warrant for a sealed drug indictment.
Thursday - The first day this week there has been school in the county. Honestly, the weather was just not that darn bad this week. Most of the morning was spent at arraignments of state drug cases. In fact, the whole day was mostly "drug day." The grand jury just met, returned many sealed indictments, and the police did an all-hands round-up starting at 6 AM. The case assigned to me is a 53 year old fellow, has a job in a machine shop, lives from paycheck to paycheck, and is accused of selling 1/4 oz. of marijuana three times. The drug task force seized his truck as an instrument of the crimes, and without it he can't work, so he's screwed in some ways even before any evidence has been introduced against him. I came back to the office, and dealt with a confidential problem about a young person whose name has come up in a drug investigation. My partner and I held a round-table with the family and a therapist buddy who came in between her appointments to advise us. Winning cases in trial is good lawyering. Heading off trouble before it breaks is really good lawyering. At least, that's the way I see it. The afternoon featured yet another drug case, another confidential case where we're heading off big trouble. That one's still black, so I can say no more. I made a ton of phone calls, and processed many emails with other lawyers in various cases. I met with a personal injury client who dropped in unannounced (which is OK) because the workers' compensation insurance carrier is corruptly screwing her. I've scheduled researching that problem for Sunday. Oh, and I wrote a simple real estate contract.
Friday - The morning was filled with "docket call," a sort of ceremony at the beginning of every "term of court" (a term lasts 4 months) where each judge goes over the cases pending in that Division, and determines what the lawyers want to do with the cases during the term. It's also a business/social occasion, where the lawyers see each other and often make remarkable progress on resolving cases. I have very little on the current civil dockets, and a few cases on the criminal dockets. Like I say, a case RESOLVED is my goal, even though you just have to take one to jury trial every now and then so that the other side remembers that you know how. Late morning, I talked for a while with a "pro bono" domestic client, whose case is much more complicated than I thought, so she is coming back late Sunday afternoon. At noon, I drove 15 miles out of town to a small town for which I'm the town attorney. I met with the mayor (who has Fridays off), recorder, and a couple of council members to discuss dilapidated buildings. Our problem is that we have about four absentee landowners who have left old commercial buildings go untended, and we cannot front the money to raze them, so getting a deed from the owners in favor of the town won't do any good. We're going to try suing the landowners next week, and sending the judgments to Florida and elsewhere for collection. One suggestion was that we contact the owners, get a deed, and burn the buildings down. That's a BAD idea - we would have to get an air pollution waiver, there is always inherent danger in doing that, and burning a building to the point that it's easy to clean up the site is a poor training opportunity for the Fire Department. My partner went with me to a doctor's appointment in the afternoon, and into the evening, I worked on records to take to the accountant in the morning.
Saturday - Out to the accountants at 9 with the firm records for 2006. I have to get taxes filed to do a college scholarship application for our son. I went in to the office, and did the proposed order that's due on Monday (and which the fairly intelligent client is coming in on Sunday to review.) I tried to get caught up on my billing, and my partner is (justifiably) on my ass about that. I went home about 5 PM, and spent the evening READING. I've noted elsewhere that my tastes in reading are pretty broad, and I read parts of several books and listened to music on the computer.
And Sunday, I'm in the office. I've finished that proposed court order which is due tomorrow, and met with that client later this afternoon. Then at the end of the afternoon, my pro bono client for a Wednesday custody hearing came in the office. (Hearings in Family Court on Valentine's Day are deliciously ironic, don't you think?) This is a young woman, and I regretably have a policy that I won't talk with women alone in the office, when no one else is in the building. Maybe it's unfortunate that I feel that way, maybe I'm old-fashioned, I don't know, but it makes me uncomfortable and may make them uncomfortable, so I require that another person be present. This is a large case. This woman's ex-boyfriend is a very nasty individual, who is claiming custody of her child who is not biologically his because he lived with her and the child for some time. In my judgment, this is a control issue, and my client is afraid of the guy - with good reason, I think. Every time I've met with her, she has told me new macabre and dreaded things. Something psychological is going on, or else she was exposed to such truly unspeakable abuse that she doesn't ever have time to discuss it all in one sitting. I invited the director of the local abused women's shelter to come for the appointment, too, to give us/me an informed viewpoint, and maybe keep me from missing something important. Honestly, the fact that this is pro bono is a non-starter - it's a case, and while I try not to take myself seriously, I do take cases seriously. Then I'm doing preparation for several other cases for the coming week. I came in here about 9 this morning, and I should get out of here by 7 tonight.
This was a typical week, with the exception of having to work a full day on Saturday. Welcome to my life. Pippa passes.
Mizpah!
R
Saturday, February 3, 2007
A step to freedom
Dear Friends -
I've had an excellent day. I read and wrote most of the day in the quiet of a windy, snowy, and (thanks to Pete sending us his Omaha weather) cold day. This evening, I went to a Masonic lodge meeting, where some "degree work" was skillfully done. I made a little presentation to a brother who has helped me enormously in the past couple of months, a book (naturally). That may sound like a hidebound institution, but the moral teaching is beautiful and beautifully done.
I also finished Bloodthirsty Bitches this afternoon, a new social commentary by Gerry Spence. He talks unashamedly about Justice and Right and even Love, and that is a freeing thing that I've been thinking about all day.
Since starting this blog in the midst of personal crises in November, I have been beset by the spectre of self-doubt, and self-criticism. I reject that tonight. I have been appalled by some of the anti-empathetic responses to Schell's challenges. In the midst of the day, I figured out that I don't have to accept the negativity. I don't have to write here to please anyone. I can say what I will - it may be ill-informed, it may be poorly-written, but it will always be truthful, and true to my values. This afternoon, I intercepted a nasty comment to a post in this blog - and decided that I'm not obligated to accept that negativity, either. I rejected the comment, and here in this place will continue to think values, nothing else. Part of my values are that I am a Boy Scout still. I am a conservationist. I am a liberal. I am a Mason. I know the cry of the child and feel the power of God, and I'll no longer apologize for any of that.
Tonight, maybe just for tonight, I'm free. I'm free to say what I will, to write what I will. I'm free to listen and consider what I will - and when the tone is bad, I'm free to reject it. This social contract of ours is not a moral suicide pact. What does not serve us, or challenge us, we can turn away from. We are all free. We can defy the corporate Kings who dominate us. We can have genuine concern, genuine communication, genuine understanding. As Lincoln said, we have the power, and we must bear the responsibility. It's up to us.
And now, to learn how to use this freedom . . .
Mizpah!
R
I've had an excellent day. I read and wrote most of the day in the quiet of a windy, snowy, and (thanks to Pete sending us his Omaha weather) cold day. This evening, I went to a Masonic lodge meeting, where some "degree work" was skillfully done. I made a little presentation to a brother who has helped me enormously in the past couple of months, a book (naturally). That may sound like a hidebound institution, but the moral teaching is beautiful and beautifully done.
I also finished Bloodthirsty Bitches this afternoon, a new social commentary by Gerry Spence. He talks unashamedly about Justice and Right and even Love, and that is a freeing thing that I've been thinking about all day.
Since starting this blog in the midst of personal crises in November, I have been beset by the spectre of self-doubt, and self-criticism. I reject that tonight. I have been appalled by some of the anti-empathetic responses to Schell's challenges. In the midst of the day, I figured out that I don't have to accept the negativity. I don't have to write here to please anyone. I can say what I will - it may be ill-informed, it may be poorly-written, but it will always be truthful, and true to my values. This afternoon, I intercepted a nasty comment to a post in this blog - and decided that I'm not obligated to accept that negativity, either. I rejected the comment, and here in this place will continue to think values, nothing else. Part of my values are that I am a Boy Scout still. I am a conservationist. I am a liberal. I am a Mason. I know the cry of the child and feel the power of God, and I'll no longer apologize for any of that.
Tonight, maybe just for tonight, I'm free. I'm free to say what I will, to write what I will. I'm free to listen and consider what I will - and when the tone is bad, I'm free to reject it. This social contract of ours is not a moral suicide pact. What does not serve us, or challenge us, we can turn away from. We are all free. We can defy the corporate Kings who dominate us. We can have genuine concern, genuine communication, genuine understanding. As Lincoln said, we have the power, and we must bear the responsibility. It's up to us.
And now, to learn how to use this freedom . . .
Mizpah!
R
Friday, February 2, 2007
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