If I were a bird tonight, I would be a vulture sitting high in a tree, glowering beneath furrowed brows. (Although, I don't think that vultures actually have brows.)
No time off this weekend. I've promised two days to people in the regional jail awaiting trial. Neither of them has accepted my advice. That's their prerogative, of course. Stupid, but they have the right to do that. One of them is going to turn a 6-1/2 year sentence into a 25 year sentence. It's like banging my head against a wall. Or a windmill. And windmills hurt.
Lunch today with a brother (not genetic). Very enjoyable, he has been of incalculable help to me since last fall. While there, I saw my former partner and her partner there, and I confess that put me seriously off-speed. I still haven't gotten over the rejection of that dissolution even a little. Which is childish, I know. Or maybe vulture-in-a-tree-ish.
A day-long class at the law school tomorrow on federal criminal practice. I really do need the class, to find out about some important changes. But I'm still thinking of bagging it so I don't have to interact with my (genetic) brother. He stopped at our Mom's today, and upset her quite a bit. A couple of months ago, he emailed LaElu and advised her to dump me. Cheeky of him. Mind you, if she did, I couldn't totally fault her for that decision, but I'd rather she came up with that on her own if she ever decides to do it. If she does, maybe I'll move to Lincoln County and be roomies with Vanda. It would be a long commute, though.
My partner and my paralegal are on their own tomorrow, if I don't bag the class. A replacement for the staff member we fired will start on Monday. She's rather a taciturn individual, which is fine with me.
Sometimes, I just pull out the ID tags I wear to remind me of who the hell I am.
Pippa passes.
R
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1 comment:
Roger, Its still rather fresh this gaping wound. I don't find your acute pain childish at all. I happen to believe when we truly surrender ourselves to loving another they carve out a physical place in us.
You know, a remarkable thing happened to me a handful of weeks ago. A man ("the one") I'd been engaged to at one time reconnected with me after over a decade. It was so healing and loving, Roger, that I felt I'd experienced a bit of heaven on earth.
We were able to say things we weren't able to back then, and forgive one another, and more important forgive ourselves.
I feel as though he gave me permission to love myself again. After reading this excerpt, together with our long ago talks, I felt compelled to write to you about this remarkable happening.
I so heart you Roger. Sarai
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