Tonight, I crossed the 100 pound lost mark. I honestly do not know how much I have to go, I know it's a lot, and I'll figure that out in the Fullness of Time.
I have to keep my eye on the ball - the ball being how much better (relatively speaking) I feel from when I started in March. I can climb the stairs in No. 3 without a whole lot of effort now. My legs are very strong from hauling around mega-weight, so handling "mere" maxi-weight is a bunch easier. Clothes are a problem right now, and thus my available wardrobe is limited. I fit in vehicles and chairs somewhat better. I'm going to the law school for a class on Friday, and am not unduly worrying about the relatively small seats in the courtroom. (I'm more worried about the interaction with one of my genetic brothers who will be there. But it's a really valuable class being offered to people on the Federal panel.) Hell, I actually without thinking crossed my legs today - sounds silly, I know, but it's been quite a while since I've done that.
But I gotta tell you, I'm really concerned. I feel very "brittle." I've had zero real problems with the diet. But I fear such problems. The whole addiction process is pretty insidious, and I have to learn to monitor this for life, or else I am duly and truly screwed. A problem is that food and booze are EXCELLENT coping mechanisms, if you only look at the very short term. They create satisfaction, pleasantly altered blood chemistry, and they never let you down. In the short term. So I gotta keep my eye on the ball, long-term. And I'm just really worried.
And I wonder - Is it "unmanly" to admit to these rather silly fears? This stuff is really bothering me. Normally, I don't worry so - I have done hard and bloody jobs without ill effect. Next week, I'm slated for what will be a very nasty argument with one of the justices during an argument at the Supreme Court. No worries, I'm positively looking forward to it. But fucking doughnuts scare the shit out of me. Totally illogical.
Going to lunch with a young lawyer who wants my advice tomorrow, and to lunch with a lawyer-brother Thursday who's been of enormous help to me in past months. Each time, I'll sit and swill coffee, and it won't bother me. But when I start to eat supposedly normally at some point, that's what I'm worried about.
And I really miss the old Bombay Sapphire.
Just venting, I guess. "I have met the enemy, and he is us." [Pogo]
Mizpah. Pippa passes.
R
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8 comments:
if you meant brittle as in literally you feel brittle, take a calcium chew every day along with a one-a-day men's viatimin. vitamins are great for everyone. i feel so much better sice i've been taking iron, i should have started years ago. as to food cravings, lord if i could only just say no right now. i don't think it's a "woman" topic. more men should be encouraged to talk about food addiction and cravings.
i wish you luck dealing with your genetic brother. i myself avoid dealing with my older sister as much as possible and it's working pretty good.
jilly
I had no idea you were losing weight. Or needed to lose weight. Well done you. I suck at dieting. I hardly ever drink, I gave up smoking, I don't eat meat and so feel that food is my only vice. Which is why I am two stone overweight.
Well done!
I took your brittle remark to mean brittle as in one false step and all your hard work comes crashing down. As though you must walk on eggshells which is tiring and tiresome. Having been addicted to cigs at one point in my life, and currently addicted to carbs and advil, I hear you. Now see :)- that dang gin just doesn't excite me a'tall. No need to publish this,, just wanted to say this is outstanding work on your part.
wonderful job roger.
this might sound silly but when i was intent on losing weight i would trick myself this way. if i wanted a doughnut, i would pretend i had just eaten one. after all, once it is past your lips and chewed, you really only remember the taste and i certainly know what a doughnut tastes like. the actual eating pleasure is fleeting. it worked. don't give up. you are doing a great job.
Roger, I know just what you mean in the brittle department having been a life-time member of Weight Watcher's for the last fifteen years or so. Brittle is every day at some point, but it really does get easier every year.
Don't worry -- whatever you're doing is doing the job and your wight loss is a fantastic gift you've given yourself. It means you've turned a corner and have become "yourself" in a whole new way, a way you'll be able to rely on from now on. You might slip up and slide back from time to time (who doesn't?), but you'll get yourself back on track before you do any lasting damage. Crossing your legs -- I applaud you, friend. Keep crossing.
:)
Four
"I have met the enemy, and he is us." [Pogo]
PS Pogo-one of my all time favorites -- thanks for the reminder! Have gotten out all the old copies and dusted them off
:):):)
Four
"And I wonder -Is it "unmanly" to admit to these rather silly fears?"
Roger meijo, To reveal ones self and fears takes more courage than most men possess. You, I think, are the kind of man Merle Shain was writing about in her book "Some Men Are More Special Than Others." You rock Roger. xox Sarai
Oops on the title ... "Some Men Are More Perfect Than Others" ... in your case, I suspect both apply.
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